I’m just sayin.

OK, people. Listen up. It’s called a KILLER whale. You know why? Because they are KILLERS. Don’t act all shocked and awed and, like, whoa when one KILLS YOU. I don’t care if you pet it and feed it and make it spin circles and do tricks. It’s still a whale. A KILLER whale.

You’re all up on the news talking about the “predator” and the “tragedy.” Duh. YES, it was a tragedy. A poor woman was killed by a wild motherfucking animal. Doing what it does naturally. Being a predator.

I haven’t heard any word of this, but if the lords of Sea World even consider for a brief minute putting that whale down for what happened, I’m going to drive my whale-hugging, cat lady ass down to the world of seas and throw the hell down. Don’t think I won’t.

Sure, I’d love to have a pet killer whale, I’m not even kidding. They’re so big and cute and precious and always look so happy. I saw “Free Willy,” OK? Whales = BFF, obviously. But you know what? I’m not gonna be surprised when it eats me for lunch. Lock me in a cage and make me swim around you with your ass on my nose, and I’d eat you, too. Shit.

I’m just sayin.

Edited: February 25th, 2010

Lazy gob.

What kind of gym does not have a drinking fountain, honest to god? I scoured every inch of my gym tonight as I was dying  a slow death-by-dehydration, and nope. Nada. That’s what I get for joining a 24-hour, Wal-mart-of-gyms gym. Duh, Krista. BRING YOUR OWN WATER APPARENTLY.

Gah… scoff.

I’m eating fruit right now. Assorted “melons,” if you will. Some watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew, pineapple… What I REALLY want to be eating are some Blazin’ Buffalo Doritos, not gonna lie. But no. I’m being strong. All, “Want to know what’s a good idea? Trying to give up junk food for Lent because, hey! Eating fruit is totally more fun than donuts and potato chips!” That’s a lie. Fruit is GOOD, don’t get me wrong, but a pineapple is no Dorito.

Le sigh. I am trying.

Today was my day off. Want to know what I didn’t do? Leave my bed. Well, I did that one time to randomly vacuum and dust my bookshelves, but that was one of those moments. I couldn’t help it. If I did not dust my bookshelves at that EXACT moment, my head was going to explode. And while I’m at it, I may as well vacuum. Obviously. And then back to bed. I just rolled around in bed, in and out of a napping state. Granted, I did get in about 2 hours of exercise eventually tonight, but I’m already back in bed. In front of the TV. Eating fruit.

And now it’s almost bedtime. Look at that! The day comes full circle.

Edited: February 24th, 2010

In which I talk a lot.

I can’t feel my arms right now, which makes typing neat. Tonight was the first day of the Big Muscle Plan, my friend Anne’s Weapon of Mass Destruction. It’s a weekly weight-training plan that pretty much took my arm muscles and mopped up poo with them. I didn’t even wash my hair in the shower after because I couldn’t hold my arms above my head long enough.

LIFTING WEIGHTS IS HARD.

A week from today my 14-week marathon training plan begins. And it is INTENSE. Not to mention the 200 Sit-Up program I also began tonight. I estimate that by summer I’m going to be one of two things: an amputee with no limbs because I chopped them off, or a super-crazy-badass with cat-like reflexes and Big Muscles.

Yeah, I’m leaning toward the prior, too.

I’m watching 24 right now. Which is why I’m blogging. Because 24 has completely lost my interest this season. Things I have NOT lost interest in: Life Unexpected, LOST, True Blood, The Vampire Diaries, Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice and a 10 p.m. bedtime. I watch entirely too much TV. And tomorrow Netflix is bringing me the first season of Weeds. I need an intervention. In the next couple weeks, 90210, Melrose Place and Gossip Girl come back, too. OMFG.

What else is new, friends?

I’m still a cat-lady. There’s still a road bike in my living room/bedroom/hallway/dining room. Oh. I KNOW. I decided to “give up” desserts and junk for Lent. I say “give up” loosely because I’ve already cheated 1… 2… no, 4 times since last Wednesday. Fuck. I feel I made my goal to broad. I pretty much thought I could give up all of it – desserts, donuts, cake, potato chips, Pop-Tarts, muffins, basically everything I love to eat. It has been HARD. I’m so dependent on the vending machine at work, so at least I’ve successfully kept myself away from that. But that did not keep me from the free donuts in the break room today in celebration of February birthdays. My excuse was, “HEY! BIRTHDAY DONUTS!”

Fail.

Despite the setbacks, I’m still considering this mission a positive one. If nothing else, it’s making me completely conscious of what I’m eating. Yes, I’ve had moments of weakness, but those were really, really tough moments. I find that I battle myself. It’s like, “YES, no, NO, yes, eat it, EAT IT, no!” And sure, I’ve lost that battle a couple times, but more and more I’m winning it. I’m thinking twice (and three or four times) before choosing a snack.

So even if I fail a few 27 more times, I’m still winning because I’m considering the decision to eat shit, rather than just eating it. And every day, except when there are birthday donuts, the decision to pass on the snack is getting easier.

Now, gosh, wasn’t that inspiring? OK good. So go eat some ice cream for me.

Edited: February 22nd, 2010

Madison is made from magic.

My best good pal and Anyway Friend, @sawaboof, came to Madison to visit me today. She’d never been here, and it was a blast wandering around the city, watching  her explore. It was also nice to have someone come to me. So often I’m going to others, it’s very rare for the reversal.

We spent a chunk of time at the (crazy awesome) thrift store across the street, then sludged our way through the snow to the Capitol Square for Winterfest. Ate brats and fries. Took pictures with our cameras. Tweeted like mad. Loved, loved, loved this day.

Edited: February 20th, 2010

Ask for it, and he shall paint.

I know a guy. He paints. And by “know a guy,” I mean, “he’s the brother-in-law of one of my closest friends; we’ve met twice; he may as well be my own brother, obviously.” But I just found out he painted, and he paints well.

You’ll find him in northern Wisconsin. Want him to paint something for you? Send him a photo, he’ll replicate it, which I think is such a cool, personalized thing to do. So check out his blog. Love him? Tell him. Spread the word.

Edited: February 17th, 2010